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Healing from Relational Trauma: How to Begin the Journey of Self-Compassion

Writer's picture: Phillippa ChineryPhillippa Chinery

Relational trauma doesn’t just disappear with time—it leaves an imprint, shaping how we see ourselves and the world around us. Whether caused by childhood emotional neglect, betrayal, or patterns of unhealthy relationships, the scars of relational trauma often linger. These experiences can quietly affect your ability to trust, set boundaries, and build healthy connections with others.

If you’re reading this, it’s likely that relational trauma has touched your life. Perhaps you’re grappling with feelings of shame, a harsh inner critic, or difficulty finding emotional safety in your relationships. Healing from this kind of trauma can feel overwhelming, but here’s the good news: recovery is absolutely possible. While it takes time and intention, self-compassion is one of the most transformative tools to help you reclaim your sense of self-worth and move forward.


Two women laughing joyfully against a bright red background. One wears a red top. Their expressions convey happiness and friendship.

You deserve to feel safe, valued, and loved—not just by others but by yourself.



What Is Relational Trauma?

Relational trauma occurs when a significant relationship in your life—often during childhood—leaves you feeling hurt, neglected, or invalidated. This could be a parent, caregiver, partner, or even a close friend. When these relationships involve emotional neglect, manipulation, abuse, or betrayal, the impact runs deep.


This type of trauma is especially challenging because it disrupts our basic need for connection and safety. Over time, relational trauma can leave you feeling disconnected from yourself and struggling with:


  • Trust issues in relationships.

  • Difficulty setting or maintaining boundaries.

  • Anxiety, depression, or emotional dysregulation.

  • Low self-esteem and feelings of unworthiness.

  • A fear of vulnerability or rejection.


You might find yourself stuck in familiar patterns, repeating relational dynamics from the past or avoiding relationships altogether. Relational trauma doesn’t just affect how you connect with others—it also impacts how you relate to yourself.



How Self-Compassion Supports Healing


If you’ve experienced relational trauma, self-compassion might feel like an unfamiliar concept. Many survivors struggle with a critical inner voice, feeling "not good enough," or carrying shame for things outside their control.


But here’s the truth: your trauma is not your fault, and you are not broken. Self-compassion is about recognising your inherent worth and offering yourself kindness, even when it feels difficult. It’s not about excusing harmful behaviour from others but about acknowledging that you deserve care and respect, regardless of what you’ve been through.


When you practice self-compassion, you begin to:


  • Reclaim your sense of self-worth.

  • Challenge the inner critic and self-blame.

  • Create emotional safety within yourself.

  • Develop the resilience needed to move forward in your healing journey.



Steps to Begin Practicing Self-Compassion


Starting your self-compassion journey can feel daunting, but it’s important to remember that healing is a process. Here are four practical steps to help you begin:


1. Acknowledge and Validate Your Pain

The first step in healing is recognising your feelings. Instead of minimising or ignoring your pain, give yourself permission to feel. Journaling, therapy, or simply sitting with your emotions can help you process what you’ve been through. Remind yourself: your experiences are valid, and your feelings matter.


2. Challenge the Inner Critic

Relational trauma often leaves us internalising negative beliefs about ourselves. When you notice self-critical thoughts, challenge them with self-compassionate statements like, “I am worthy of love and care, even if others have let me down.” Over time, these gentle affirmations can help reframe your self-perception.


3. Practice Mindfulness

Mindfulness helps you stay present with your emotions without judgment. When painful memories or negative thoughts arise, pause and focus on your breath. Acknowledge the feeling without letting it define you, and remind yourself that it’s okay to feel what you feel.


4. Engage in Nurturing Self-Care

Self-care doesn’t have to be elaborate. Small acts like taking a walk, listening to calming music, or resting when you’re tired can nurture your emotional well-being. Approach self-care with the intention of kindness, not as a way to "fix" yourself—you are not broken; you are healing.



Find Strength in Community

Healing relational trauma can feel isolating, but you don’t have to do it alone. Community is a powerful part of the healing process. Surround yourself with people who uplift you, respect your boundaries, and create space for your emotional growth.


This could be a trusted friend, a support group, or a therapist who understands relational trauma and attachment wounds. In these spaces, you’ll begin to feel seen and understood, allowing you to rebuild trust and practice forming healthy relationships.



Moving Forward in Your Healing Journey

Healing from relational trauma takes time, and every step forward matters. Some days will feel easier than others, but remember that your past does not define your future. Self-compassion is the foundation for rebuilding a stronger, more secure relationship with yourself.



You deserve to feel safe, valued, and loved—not just by others but by yourself. Start small, be patient, and trust that healing is a process.



Ready to Begin Your Healing Journey?

If this resonates with you, let’s explore how therapy can support your healing. I offer a free 20-minute consultation to help you take the next step toward self-compassion and emotional freedom.

Want more tips and insights? Follow me on Instagram @theselflovetherapist for practical advice, real-talk about relational trauma, and a community of support.

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