Coping With Christmas Grief: When the Empty Chair Feels Too Loud

Christmas is supposed to be filled with warmth, connection, and twinkly lights… at least that’s the story we’re all sold.

But when you’re carrying Christmas grief, the season can feel heavy. The world gets louder, the expectations climb, and that empty chair at the table steals your breath a little.

You’re not broken for finding this time difficult. You’re human. And grief has a way of stretching itself across the holidays, touching everything: the music, the decorations, the family WhatsApp chats, even the food.

Sometimes the quiet moments hurt the most. Sometimes the joyful ones hurt too.

Why Christmas Makes Grief Feel Bigger

There’s something about Christmas that pulls at old wounds. It reconnects us with childhood memories, family traditions, and the people who shaped us. When someone is missing, the season becomes a mirror reflecting that loss back at you.

And it’s not just bereavement. Christmas grief can be about estrangement, emotional abandonment, breakups, miscarriages, or relationships that never felt safe in the first place. The ache is real, even when the relationship was complicated.

You're allowed to feel all of it.

Soothing Practices When Christmas Grief Feels Overwhelming

This isn’t about fixing grief. It’s about giving yourself the softness and support you deserved long before this season arrived.

1. Create a quiet ritual that grounds you

Grief needs space. This could be:

• Lighting a candle for the person or relationship you lost 

• Playing a song that connects you 

• Journalling what you wish you could say 

• Sitting in silence for two minutes before the chaos begins

Rituals don’t erase pain, but they give it a container so it doesn’t spill everywhere.

2. Honour your loved one in a way that feels true to you

You don’t have to keep the same traditions if they feel too heavy. You can create new ones, small or big:

• Include their favourite food on the table 

• Put one of their jokes, quotes, or quirks on a card 

• Visit a place that reminds you of them 

• Wear something that connects you

Honouring them doesn’t tether you to the past. It lets you bring them with you.

3. Give yourself permission to scale back

You don’t have to be the “strong one” this year. You don’t have to attend every event, overgive, or hold everyone’s emotions while silencing your own. Christmas grief can drain your emotional capacity. Scaling back is not a failure. It’s self-protection.

If you need a quiet Christmas, have one. If you need a loud one, have that too. Your grief gets a vote.

4. Tell someone what you’re carrying

You don’t need to tell the whole story. Just sharing “Christmas feels tough for me this year” is enough. Let someone in. Let someone care for you.

You’re not meant to carry this season alone.

A Gentle Reminder: Grief Isn’t Linear (Especially at Christmas)

You might laugh one minute and cry the next. You might feel numb. You might feel guilty for enjoying anything. You might feel angry that the world keeps spinning as if nothing happened.

None of this means you're going backwards. It means you're grieving.

Grief is love that hasn’t stopped. Grief is the story your body still remembers. And when Christmas grief rises up, it’s not a failure. It’s a sign your heart is still trying to make sense of a world that changed without your permission.

You’re Allowed to Make This Season Yours

There’s no “right” way to do Christmas after a loss. There’s only your way. The one that honours your story, your loved ones, and your emotional bandwidth.

If this season feels heavier than usual, I hope you remember this: You’re not alone. You’re not failing. You’re grieving during a time that asks too much of everyone, even without loss.

Let yourself move gently. Let yourself be human. Let this Christmas be kinder to you.

If Christmas feels heavy this year, therapy can give you room to breathe and be held. Click to book a free consultation call, and let’s gently navigate this together.

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